Purpose in Life

Love Others As Jesus Loves You

Recently, God has been teaching me about Christlike love and what it truly means. As part of my search for purpose and fulfillment, I have been reading from the Pathway to Purpose for Women devotional. I’ve been spending about a week on each chapter, in an effort to really study and meditate on the lessons. Well the last week’s lesson was all about Christlike Love.

I am giving a new commandment to you – love each other just as much as I love you. Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples.John 13: 34-35

The main point here is that Jesus didn’t just give His disciples a new rule or a new idea, He gave them (and us) a new commandment. Loving others around us and in our lives (and those we’ve never met before) as Jesus loves us, is a commandment. It’s something He’s commanded us to do in order to live our lives as God intended. And not only that, it is critical and central to the purpose that God has planned for each and every one of us.

Jesus goes on to explain exactly what he means in the Gospel of John:

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you… My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.John 15:9a, 12-13

And then – He did. He laid down His life for us, so that we may be forgiven of all our sins and have eternal life in heaven.

This revelation was huge for me. As a fairly new Christian, even the basic principles that some people discover when they are younger, bring me a great amount of joy and happiness. And at the same time, so much reverence for our Lord and Savior. Christ’s willingness to die for our sins was the ultimate act of love – to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. That is the ultimate definition of what it means to love others as Jesus loves us.

Before Mercy Found Me

Before I knew God I was unfulfilled, unsatisfied and constantly searching for love, acceptance and a “happily ever after”. I knew something was missing in my life, but at the time I had no idea what it was. All I knew was that I was able to find some semblance of it and a bit of satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships. Even if only for a short amount of time, the newness of a relationship and the way it made me feel was enough to quench my thirst, if only temporarily.

A new relationship is hopeful. At the start you always have the hope that this might be “the one” and the answer that you’ve been searching for. You hope that everything is complete, everything is safe and the future is settled. A new relationship gives you hope that you finally have a direction in life and can plan for the future. Hope for something to go your way and something to be good in your life forever. Hope for forever-happiness and fulfillment will always be there and never cease. The beginning of a relationship is almost, as one would describe an addiction or a high. The feelings are amazing at first…

And then, in every relationship, the darkness creeps in. Those same, recurring feelings of unhappiness, unsatisfaction, unworthiness, boredom and lost hope. Some thing in me would realize that it was just not right. That feeling that I was searching so hard to find, the ability to feel whole and complete and happy, would disappear. It was gone. And so, I did the only thing that helped, I searched for that feeling again. And in the process I hurt countless people. I jumped around, seeking and searching for that feeling of wholeness and perfection – for happiness that would never last.

In the process, I neglected relationships with friends who were a source of comfort and support, who were solid rocks for me. We grew distant and eventually, my need for a relationship overtook any need for friendship and those friendships disappeared and fell to the wayside, broken and unmendable.

When I moved to Colorado Springs, instead of using relationships to find that feeling, I went through countless career searches, job searches and daydreams about what I would achieve in my life. I applied to several jobs that I felt qualified for and was turned down for each and every one. I bought the expensive clothes, purchased a car and tried to live the life I felt I was entitled to, because I “believed in myself”. I replaced the need for a relationship, with the need for a career “to be proud of”. I searched and searched for something that would look good to others and something that I thought I would enjoy.

And in the end, that search for wholeness, for the need to matter, for a purpose in life and for happiness, left me broken and with overpowering feelings of unworthiness, unhappiness and hopelessness. I felt as though I was destined to wait tables for the rest of my life. I began to believe I was inferior and incapable of anything and I was destined for a life of mediocrity. So I accepted that. I accepted my life of mediocrity, where I was deemed unworthy of a fulfilling job and career and unworthy of a purpose in life…

And then I felt God, reaching into my life…

Write…

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”Jeremiah 30:2

This blog is the result of a single word whispered to me during a time of deep prayer. It was a prayer of desperation, in which I expressed my desire for purpose and direction in my life. It was a prayer session that lasted for at least 30 minutes, where more than a few tears fell.

All I wanted was a direction to head in this life. A task to complete, something. Just one little tid-bit that would give me some sort of clue as to where my life was headed and what plans God had in store for me. And the only word I received in response was “Write…”. Write a journal, write a blog, I have no idea what He actually meant, but I started writing every day after my readings and prayers.

I’ve never been one for journaling or keeping a diary. I started a blog when I was pregnant with Jacob, but a few years ago it fell to the wayside and I stopped writing. I stopped feeling any passion when I was blogging. Writing about the last time he spit up on me just didn’t seem important, so I backed off and eventually quit all together.

But when I heard God say “Write…” I knew I had to take action, and so, this blog was born. At the time I didn’t have a name, or a set direction (and I still really don’t), but eventually God revealed a little bit of His plan to me and I was able to gain the courage to start writing and share that writing with the world.

I’ve been trying to think of the best way to start things off here for days, weeks even, and this is all I could come up with. So here I will journal my journey with God, my prayers, my hopes and my dreams. And hopefully along the way He will reveal a bit more insight into His plans for me.

Write He said… and Write I will…

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